Posted on August 7th, 2025

 

Not everyone gets excited at the thought of childbirth—and that’s not just okay, it’s more common than you might think.

 

Birth anxiety, or tokophobia if you want the fancy term, doesn’t always show up as full-blown fear.

 

Sometimes it’s just a quiet dread that hangs around whenever pregnancy is mentioned.

 

Other times, it’s a full-body no thanks at the very idea of labour. Either way, it’s real, and it doesn’t make you any less ready—or worthy—of motherhood.

 

It can feel isolating, especially when others seem calm and glowing while you’re stuck in a loop of “what ifs”.

 

But here’s the truth: you’re not broken. You’re human. And while birth anxiety shows up differently for everyone, it doesn’t have to define your experience.

 

There’s more to uncover about where this fear comes from, how it shows up, and what you can actually do about it—and we’re just getting started.

 

What Is Tokophobia, and What Causes It?

Tokophobia isn’t just nerves about giving birth. It’s a strong, persistent fear of pregnancy and childbirth that can shape someone’s choices, emotions, and even health.

 

Unlike the usual unease that might pop up closer to the due date, this is deeper. For some, it hits long before pregnancy is even a consideration. For others, it surfaces sharply during pregnancy and doesn’t let go.

 

Essentially, tokophobia is a mental health condition—and a complex one at that. The fear might centre around the pain of labour, the unpredictability of medical complications, or feeling out of control.

 

Some people worry about what pregnancy might do to their bodies or the shift in identity that follows becoming a parent. These aren’t just fleeting worries—they’re fears that stick around and disrupt daily life.

 

Around 14% of pregnant women are thought to experience some level of tokophobia. That number isn’t small, and yet, it’s a condition that’s rarely spoken about openly.

 

It’s often brushed off as drama or “just nerves”, which only makes it harder for people to seek help. But tokophobia has real consequences. Some avoid pregnancy altogether.

 

Others might push for medical interventions, like early inductions or planned caesareans, as a way to manage their anxiety—not out of preference, but out of panic.

 

Recognising the signs can make a real difference.

 

Symptoms might show up as racing thoughts about labour, panic attacks, intense dreams, or even physical symptoms like nausea when the topic comes up. It might feel irrational, but that doesn’t make it any less real.

 

The good news? It’s treatable. You don’t have to stay stuck in fear.

 

There are ways through this—talking therapies, support groups, and working with a healthcare team that listens without judgement. Feeling seen and heard goes a long way.

 

What matters most is knowing you’re not the only one dealing with this. Tokophobia isn’t a weakness, and it doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for parenthood.

 

With the right support, it’s entirely possible to shift your experience—and face the road ahead with more calm and control than you might expect.

 

Common Signs of Tokophobia

Tokophobia doesn’t always shout. Often, it creeps in quietly—showing up in ways that are easy to miss if you don’t know what to look for. It’s more than just disliking hospitals or feeling uneasy about childbirth.

 

This is the kind of fear that sticks, spirals, and starts to influence how you live your life.

 

One of the trickiest things about tokophobia is how personal it can be. No two people experience it the same way, but there are a few telltale signs that tend to come up.

 

Recognising these early can help you or someone you care about start making sense of what’s going on.

 

Here are a few common indicators of tokophobia:

• Intense anxiety or panic at the thought of pregnancy or labour

• Nightmares or intrusive thoughts about giving birth

• Physical symptoms like nausea or heart palpitations when the topic comes up

• Avoiding sex, medical appointments, or pregnancy-related discussions

 

These signs aren’t just random reactions—they’re clues. Left unaddressed, they can impact decision-making, relationships, and how someone interacts with healthcare.

 

You might notice someone skipping antenatal appointments or brushing off conversations about birth completely.

 

Others may fixate on planning an early caesarean or push for extreme levels of control over their birth plan just to feel a sense of safety.

 

As for where this fear starts? It’s rarely one thing. Sometimes it’s rooted in a past trauma—an emergency delivery, a birth that went badly, or even hearing one too many horror stories.

 

Other times, it stems from general anxiety or a lifelong fear of medical settings. Then there’s the cultural noise.

 

Dramatic headlines, social media exaggerations, and TV births that make it all look like chaos and screaming don’t exactly help.

 

The important part is this: the fear is valid. And no, it doesn’t make you weak or irrational. It means your mind is trying to protect you—just in a way that’s gone a bit off track.

 

Working through tokophobia isn’t about pretending the fear isn’t real. It’s about figuring out where it’s coming from and deciding what to do next.

 

Professional support like cognitive behavioural therapy can help reshape those thought patterns.

 

And having someone you trust to talk to—whether it’s a therapist, a friend, or a midwife—can make the process feel a lot less isolating.

 

You don’t have to figure it all out at once. You just have to start.

 

Birth Anxiety: Coping Strategies and Treatment Options

There’s no single fix for tokophobia, but there are several ways to make it less overwhelming. The key is finding what works for you—and giving yourself permission to try different options until something clicks.

 

Some people start with professional support; others lean on personal tools or trusted relationships. Most benefit from a mix of all three.

 

Therapy is often the first step. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has a solid track record in helping with phobias, including birth anxiety.

 

It’s designed to break down fear into manageable parts and reshape the way you think about the situation.

 

Instead of spiralling into worst-case scenarios, CBT helps you work through those thoughts and replace them with more grounded, useful ones.

 

Mindfulness can also be a game-changer. Rather than getting pulled into future fears, it brings your attention back to what’s actually happening now—helping calm the mind before anxiety gains momentum.

 

Here are three effective ways to cope with tokophobia:

• Work with a therapist trained in CBT or trauma-informed care

• Practise mindfulness, relaxation techniques, or guided breathing

• Learn your birth options to reduce fear of the unknown

 

While therapy and mindfulness give you structure, there’s value in small personal strategies too.

 

Journaling can help you untangle your thoughts. Reading positive birth stories (the realistic kind, not sugar-coated ones) can shift your mindset.

 

And finding online spaces where people talk honestly about birth anxiety can remind you that you’re far from alone. Just knowing others feel the same way can take the edge off the fear.

 

Then there’s the power of preparation. Birth doesn’t have to feel like a total mystery. Talking with your midwife or doctor about the different ways you can give birth—home, hospital, water, elective caesarean—helps put the control back in your hands. Having a plan won’t erase fear, but it can soften it.

 

Finally, never underestimate the strength of your support system. A partner who listens without trying to “fix” you, a friend who checks in, or a doula who knows how to get you through those rough patches—these people matter.

 

Surrounding yourself with the right team can make a big difference in how you feel, day to day.

 

Get Extra Support in the First Months of Parenthood from The Family Wellness

Overcoming tokophobia isn’t just about knowing it exists—it’s about finding the right mix of guidance and practical tools to help you move forward.

 

Stories from others who’ve dealt with similar fears can be reassuring, but having a personalised plan makes the biggest difference.

 

The more your approach reflects your individual needs, the more manageable your journey becomes.

 

At Family Wellness, we recognise that every experience with birth anxiety is unique.

 

If you’re in the first six months of parenthood and could use extra support, consider booking our One-on-One Maternity Support Coaching.

 

Over four hours, you’ll receive personalised, judgement-free guidance to help you handle the emotional and practical challenges of early parenthood—because no one should have to face them alone.

 

Tokophobia may feel daunting, but it doesn’t define you.

 

If you’d like to talk with us directly, you can reach our team at [email protected] or call +44 7961 968401.

 

Whatever stage you’re at, you don’t have to go through it alone.